Weekend Preview (11.13.09)

On Dec. 12 in about three years from now, say – 2012 – Roland Emmerich should release a movie called 2009 about all the crazy shit people did when they thought the world was going to end in 2012 because of this movie … and end it with the world being destroyed.

One of those crazy things would be going to see this movie. Rated No. 1 on my list of movies not to see this fall, I could not be more against 2012. My first beef, for those who did not ready those comments, is with the “From the Director of Independence Day” tag for the film. That tells you just how often Roland Emmerich makes a good disaster movie. The thing is over ten years old! (For extra credit, check out this pic below and see if you can guess what movie the poster tags were taken from.)

Next, is that a movie trailer that shows nothing but CGI-blowing up of the entire world is cool, but just for a trailer. If the trailer is any indication, the movie is bound to be preposterous and devoid of a soul. In other words, I don’t want to see an entire movie of John Cusack and friends dodging certain death as they do in the trailer at least five times.

That brings me to another thing. John Cusack? I love the guy, but if I’m looking for the best odds in surviving an apocalypse, I’m not turning to Lloyd f*cking Dobbler. Give me Keanu Reeves before I trust Cusack to save my ass. If the object of the film was to score the cute chick back, then I’ll pick ‘em the other way around.

Anyway, the more legitimate counterpoint for this movie is that it was created for the purpose of blowing shit up. What’s hidden in that last sentence is that it wasn’t a story first. Characters had to have been secondary. The idea was “wouldn’t it be cool if the Mayan apocalypse were true and the world just fell apart and we could destroy every landmark?” and it was followed by “and we’d just follow a group of survivors.” I can’t say for certain, but I’d put money down on it. Movies more concerned with cool CGI effects than good storytelling don’t deserve my attention for the few thrills they offer.

If you’re up for a mind-numbing two and a half hours of buildings going boom, be my guest, but I got enough of that crap from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen this year. Most of America, however, will vote with their pockets otherwise, especially without any legitimate competition. Pirate Radio is the other wide-ish release and despite being written and directed by Love, Actually creator Richard Curtis, it’s had measly publicity, middle-of-the-road reviews and in general has no draw as a film other than good old rock ‘n roll music.

My Endorsement: If one of the theaters near you happens to be one of the four nationwide that The Fantastic Mr. Fox is opening in this weekend, that’s the only new film worth seeing this weekend. When it comes out in more theaters I’ll give it some more attention, but the Wes Anderson-directed stop-motion film is bound to be the quirkiest and unique family-friendly comedy in ages.

Red Flag: Duh?

Box Office Prediction: It’s easy on weeks like these. Nobody wanted to mess with 2012 and so only Focus Features’ renamed and shoved around Pirate Radio is coming out alongside it. 2012 will easily take the crown and I’m thinking $40 million. Hurts just typing it …

Slide ‘em on down after that. A Christmas Carol should have no problem sticking up there in second place and without taking much of a hit. I expect $20 million or at the least just a few million less.

At No. 3 there’s no reason to believe This Is It would lose any ground to a film below it. For the last two spots, even though they were neck and neck last week, I think word of mouth will keep The Men Who Stare at Goats ahead ofThe Fourth Kind.

I apologize half-heartedly for not making it out to any new films lately and providing reviews for you all. I’ll try next week to maybe take on “Goats” or something that looks worth the effort. Then again I think that’s part of what makes my blog cool. I’ve got to make decision about movies just like most of you.

1. 2012
2. A Christmas Carol
3. This is It
4. The Men Who Stare At Goats
5. The Fourth Kind

In the meantime, if I were you, I’d scroll down and read my Holiday Preview and just get jacked up for the big movies of the season.