New This Week

Battleship

Directed by Peter Berg
Written by Erich and Jon Hoeber
Starring: Taylor Kitsch, Brooklyn Decker, Alexander Skarsgård, Rihanna

Summary: A fleet of naval ships discovers an alien craft during a battle exercise and subsequently uncovers a long-brewing alien plot to destroy and take over Earth.

Rotten Tomatoes: 36% (not good)

My Thoughts: This film has looked like a sinker from the get-go. How a board game managed to translate into a “Transformers”-like spectacle of nonsensical mayhem beats me, but you can understand why Universal wanted to at least try. The thing is that the “Transformers” series success is not entirely based on urban desecration. There are characters and lore; “Battleship” is no more than an extravagant plastic bingo game.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Directed by Kirk Jones
Written by Shauna Cross, Heather Hach, Heidi Murkoff (books)
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Elizabeth Banks, Jennifer Lopez, Brooklyn Decker, Anna Kendrick, Chris Rock, Matthew Morrison, Rob Huebel

Summary: Based on the bestselling maternity reference books, the story of five different interconnected relationships all dealing with pregnancy and becoming a parent.

Rotten Tomatoes: 23% (bad)

My Thoughts: After the way “New Year’s Eve” underperformed, this could be the last hurrah for the absurdly large ensemble comedy with multiple relationships comprising one film. The acting talent here is even less impressive than that effort, so I can’t imagine how this will turn out. Elizabeth Banks shouldn’t be doing this kind of a film.

The Dictator

Directed by Tim Burton
Written by Seth Grahame-Smith, John August, Dan Curtis (TV series)
Starring: Johnny Depp, Eva Green, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter

Summary: Admiral General Aladeen (Cohen) from the Republic of Wadiya travels to New York City to meet with the United Nations regarding the “activities” of his country. While there he’s stripped of his beard and replaced by a double. In order to stop his country from becoming a democracy, Aladeen must befriend an organic shop owner (Faris).

Rotten Tomatoes: 61% (good)

My Thoughts: Definitely sillier with more gross-out humor than Cohen’s previous films, but still good for some huge laughs and enough satire to keep things sharp. Read my review.

Also in Theaters

Dark Shadows

Directed by Tim Burton
Written by Seth Grahame-Smith, John August, Dan Curtis (TV series)
Starring: Johnny Depp, Eva Green, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter

Summary: After being cursed by a witch (Green) after breaking her heart, Barnabas Collins (Depp) awakens from eternal slumber as a vampire in the 1970s and finds his once illustrious estate has been reduced to ruin and his family is in total disarray.

Rotten Tomatoes: 41% (mixed)

My Thoughts: With so much recent mainstream success, it’s easy to forget that in seven previous collaborations together, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp have not always found acclaim with audiences and critics. “Dark Shadows” seems like an ideal match a quirky and gothic horror/comedy/romance, but I’m simply not jazzed up about this one as I was with, say, “Sweeney Todd.”

The Avengers

Directed by Joss Whedon
Written by Joss Whedon, Zak Penn, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby (characters)
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson, Tom Hiddleston, Jeremy Renner

Summary: When Thor’s brother Loki gets his hands on the Cosmic Cube, he makes a deal with an alien race called the Chitauri to destroy earth. Nick Fury and the agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. realize they are at war, and their only hope is to activate the Avengers Initiative and bring together Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, including Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and The Incredible Hulk.

Rotten Tomatoes: 93% (excellent)

My Thoughts: This movie is a dream come true. The action has no equal among superhero films and the wit and character development are astute thanks to Joss Whedon’s script and direction. Read my review.

The Pirates! Band of Misfits

Directed by Peter Lord, Jeff Newitt
Written by Gideon Defoe (book, screenplay)
Starring: (voices) Hugh Grant, Brendan Gleeson, Salma Hayek, Jeremy Piven

Summary: A less-than-stellar Pirate Captain wants desperately to win the Pirate of the Year Award, so much so that he’s willing to take down any competition. At the same time, he has pirate-hater Queen Victoria on his tail.

Rotten Tomatoes: 86% (great)

My Thoughts: The Pirates!” gives off a “Monty Python for kids” vibe, so it looks like it could be a lot of fun for adults in addition to all the physical humor for children. With April and May being suspiciously devoid of animation or family films, “The Pirates!” could have an impressive box-office run into the early summer. I have to admit though, a bit curious why the UK version is subtitled “An Adventure With Scientists.”

The Five-Year Engagement

Directed by Nicholas Stoller
Written by Nicholas Stoller, Jason Segel
Starring: Jason Segel, Emily Blunt, Chris Pratt

Summary: Violet and Tom are madly in love and decide to get married, but life interferes with their nuptial plans on numerous occasions, postponing the wedding through various life events over the course of five years.

Rotten Tomatoes: 64% (good)

My Thoughts: I like all the pieces in play for this film, I think I will laugh a lot, but I have one huge concern: what exactly is this film about? There’s no hook. Two people love each other and they try to get married but things keep getting in the way. Okay, that’s the funny start of a film. Then what? Will they be torn apart? Even so, I doubt a bad ending lies in store.

Safe

Written and Directed by Boaz Yakin
Starring: Jason Statham, Catherine Chan, Chris Sarandon

Summary: Former NYC cop Luke Wright (Statham) saves a 12-year-old girl from being abducted at a subway stop. He learns that a lot of powerful people are after her as she’s memorized a lengthy and important code, so he vows to do whatever he must to keep her safe.

Rotten Tomatoes: 55% (mixed)

My Thoughts: One of the few great action stars working today, Statham generally delivers a solid product, though “Safe” would be more appealing if it hadn’t been pushed back from last fall and had a few more stars in its cast. The plot here is about as simple as they get; expect Statham to run a lot in this movie while holding the girl’s hand.

The Raven

Directed by James McTeigue
Written by Ben Livingston, Hannah Shakespeare
Starring: John Cusack, Alice Eve, Luke Evans, Brendan Gleeson

Summary: Famed writer Edgar Allen Poe learns that a serial killers is on the loose and using his murder mysteries as the basis for his kills. He must work with the police to engage the killer in a game of wits that eventually gets personal.

Rotten Tomatoes: 21% (bad)

My Thoughts: An April release has me soured on this one, as April tends to be where studios place disappointing horror movies. I don’t know about bad, but it will likely lack in terms of depth. We come to expect something more poignant from period movies and when they play out like modern movies doing dress-up, it rubs us the wrong way (see “The Wolfman”). I suspect we might get a brisk plot and some exciting mystery, but not a whole lot more.

The Lucky One

Directed by Scott Hicks
Written by Will Fetters, Nicholas Sparks (book)
Starring: Zac Efron, Taylor Schilling, Blythe Danner

Summary: A marine comes home and travels to North Carolina in search of the woman in a photograph that he credits with saving his life.

Rotten Tomatoes: 22% (bad)

My Thoughts: Efron is the next boy toy to get a profile boost from a Nicholas Sparks film, though without an unknown female lead it might be one of the less successful Sparks adaptations. Although Scott Hicks (“Shine”) directs, nothing since “The Notebook” has gained any kind of critical acclaim and that trend looks to continue.

Think Like A Man

Directed by Tim Story
Written by Keith Merryman, David A. Newman, Steve Harvey (book)
Starring: Kevin Hart, Gabrielle Union, Michael Ealy, Taraji P. Henson, Chris Brown,

Summary: A group of girlfriends start reading Steve Harvey’s book on how to think like a man, but eventually their men catch on and try and turn the tables on them.

Rotten Tomatoes: 53% (mixed)

My Thoughts: The ensemble cast of this one is pretty impressive, though Chris Brown is sure to draw some ire the instant people see the trailer for the first time. Hart has built himself a reputation in the comedy world and is clearly the focus of the marketing. Romany Malco (“The 40-Year-Old Virgin”) and Jerry Ferarra (“Entourage”) are also some unusual choices sure to draw more people in. All that in mind, it could just be the mostly black cast version of “Valentine’s Day” or “New Year’s Eve” centered on a book. In fact, May’s “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” is much the same way.

Chimpanzee

Directed by Alastair Fothergill, Mark Linfield

Summary: A documentary focusing on a family of chimpanzees in the Ivory Coast and Ugandan rain forests. When a three-year-old chimp is orphaned after his family flees, he bonds with another who takes him in.

Rotten Tomatoes: 70% (very good)

My Thoughts: As I say every year when one of these Disneynature Earth Day docs comes out, they remind me of something my grandparents would’ve taken me to see when I was a kid. With the quality of camera equipment these days, nature docs can be more beautiful than ever, but with a limited entertainment factor, it’s tough to justify a pricey ticket. That said, this is not something to watch on your TV screen, and the fact that it aims to tell a narrative should make it better than most. For the record, I think they use “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” footage for a brief second.

The Three Stooges

Directed by Bobby and Peter Farrelly
Written by Mike Cerrone, Bobby and Peter Farrelly
Starring: Chris Diamantopoulos, Sean Hayes, Will Sasso, Sofia Vergara

Summary: Dropped on the doorstep of a convent in a duffle bag, Moe, Larry and Curly are raised by nuns. While trying to save their home, they stumble upon both a murder plot and a reality TV show.

The Word: 45% (mixed)

My Thoughts: I think “Stooges” humor is terrific, but I don’t expect it to work in a modern context and word is this one isn’t funny. I also don’t like that the cast of “Jersey Shore” is anywhere near this film. I have some hope because the Farrellys are one of the few filmmakers capable of honoring the Stooges, but beyond some great impressions there’s not much here.

The Cabin in the Woods

Directed by Drew Goddard
Written by Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Fran Kranz, Kristen Connolly, Anna Hutchison

Summary: A group of friends go on a remote getaway to a cabin, but several strange, inexplicable events occur that lead them to realize there’s way more to the strange events going on than meets the eye.

The Word: 92% (excellent)

My Thoughts: I love being surprised. For those who like satire and are somewhat familiar with horror tropes, “The Cabin in the Woods” is a must-see. It’s wildly entertaining and darn brilliant at times. Go in knowing nothing. Read my review

American Reunion

Directed by Jon Hurwitz, Hayden Schlossberg
Written by Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, Adam Herz (characters)
Starring: Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Seann William Scott

Summary: Nearly 10 years after “American Wedding,” the gang that changed the face of comedy reunites and just in time for their high school reunion.

Rotten Tomatoes: 42% (mixed)

My Thoughts: Although I think Hurwitz and Schlossberg are the best choices for making the most of this exclamation point on what’s certainly a generation-defining comedy, I’ve my doubts about this series rediscovering any of its former glory, and I’ve been less than impressed with the TV spots.

Mirror, Mirror

Directed by Tarsem Singh
Written by Melissa Wallack and Jason Keller, The Brothers Grimm (story)
Starring: Lily Collins, Julia Roberts, Armie Hammer, Nathan Lane

Summary: In this retelling of the classic story, Snow White (Collins) is a princess that will inherit her father’s throne, but the Evil Queen (Roberts) has plans to get rid of her. Snow White takes refuge with a band of dwarves and learns the skills to reclaim her birthright.

Rotten Tomatoes: 48% (mixed)

My Thoughts: Although I don’t doubt the costumes and the set decoration will be magnificent, the trailers make the film seem dated, as if it were something I would’ve expected to see as a child growing up in the ’90s. The mixed reviews suggest that the quirky humor is hitting the right notes with only about half its audience.

Wrath of the Titans

Directed by Jonathan Liebesman
Written by Dan Mazeau, David Leslie Johnson, Greg Berlanti
Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Rosamund Pike, Ralph Fiennes, Édgar Ramírez

Summary: Many years after the events of the first film, Zeus (Neeson) calls on Perseus (Worthington) to stop his rebellious son Ares (Ramirez), god of war, who along with Hades (Fiennes) has unleashed the Titans (thought to have been imprisoned forever) on Earth.

Rotten Tomatoes: 23% (bad)

My Thoughts: The budget looks to have increased significantly in this one and the action (which was unmemorable in the first) appears to have been ratcheted up big time. Despite highly disliking the first film, the intensity of this one from the looks of it has me almost willing to forget about its existence. Either way, I’m not optimistic about the story.

The Hunger Games

Directed by Gary Ross
Written by Gary Ross, Suzanne Collins and Billy Ray
Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth

Summary: In a dystopian North America divided into districts and ruled by the wealthy Capitol, 16-year-old Katniss Everdeen (Lawrence) volunteers to take her sister’s place when her sister is chosen by lottery to participate in the annual Hunger Games, a tournament in which young people must battle to the death.

Rotten Tomatoes: 85% (great)

My Thoughts: “The Hunger Games” works because it’s a character-centered adaptation, and though that sacrifices the colorful supporting cast, it makes a universally likable film. It’s more artistic than  you’d expect, yet still darn entertaining. Read my review.

21 Jump Street

Directed by Phil Lord, Chris Miller
Written by Michael Bacall and Jonah Hill, Patrick Hasburgh and Stephen J. Cannell (TV series)
Starring: Lily Collins, Julia Roberts, Armie Hammer, Nathan Lane

Summary: A pair of cops, one with braun but no brains (Tatum) and the other the opposite (Hill) are selected to go undercover as high school students in order to crack a drug ring distributing a new synthetic drug. To do, they’ll need to be the coolest kids in school.

Rotten Tomatoes: 85% (great)

My Thoughts: “21 Jump Street” is one of the best examples of a sendup in recent memory that actually will make a lot of people laugh. Hill and Tatum are excellent and the film has the kind of self-awareness that makes idiocy look genius. Read my review.

John Carter

Directed by Andrew Stanton
Written by Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon, Edgar Rice Burroughs (story)
Starring: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Willem Dafoe

Summary: A Civil War vet named John Carter (Kitsch), presumed dead, ends up having been transported to Mars, where he finds himself in the middle of another war in which he could be a determining factor.

Rotten Tomatoes: 51% (mixed)

My Thoughts: When “Cowboys & Aliens” struggled last summer, I thought “John Carter” was doomed. Kitsch is merely an aspiring actions star and the other veteran names are not quite household compared to Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford. It’s still an uphill climb, but at least the reviews aren’t overwhelmingly discouraging.

The Lorax

Directed by Chris Renaud, Kyle Balda
Written by Ken Daurio and Cinco Paul, Dr. Seuss (book)
Starring: (voices) Zac Efron, Taylor Swift, Danny DeVito, Ed Helms

Summary: Desperate to win the affections of the girl next door, a 12-year-old boy living in a world where all is made of plastic ventures to a strange place in search of the girl’s one desire: to see a real living tree. There he discovers a man named the Once-ler who tells him the story of a fuzzy orange creature named The Lorax.

Rotten Tomatoes: 57% (mixed)

My Thoughts: “Horton” and “Despicable Me” were excellent children’s films and I expect the same for “The Lorax”: humor aimed at children but that adults can appreciate—and plenty of heart. Daurio and Paul write silly and cute more so than clever and hilarious, but considering these are children’s films after all, that’s really how it should be.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island

Directed by Brad Peyton
Written by Brian Gunn and Mark Gunn, Richard Outten, Jules Verne (novel)
Starring: Josh Hutcherson, Dwayne Johnson, Vanessa Hudgens, Michael Caine

Summary: A young man (Hutcherson) convinces his mother’s boyfriend (Johnson) to take him in search of a mythical island that his grandfather always talked about.

Rotten Tomatoes: 42% (mixed)

My Thoughts: The original “Journey” somehow scrounged up $100 million domestically, but this is February and Jules Verne is very distantly connected to this one. The tiny elephants and giant bees will probably scare kids more than excite them, yet with a PG rating that’s exactly who Warner Bros. is going for. The lack of kid adventures in the winter gives this film its best chance to make money, but I wouldn’t expect any quality.